‘It’s not worth me having a long-life lightbulb’ – Rare insight into attitudes to death among the very old
Death is a part of life for people over 95 years old, who mainly live day-to-day, concludes a rare study of attitudes to death and dying amongst the very old. The research, from the University of Cambridge and published in the journal PLOS ONE, finds that this group is willing to discuss dying and their end-of-life care, but is seldom asked.
Improvements in our environment and lifestyles, as well as significant medical and healthcare advances, mean that more and more people are living to a very old age. According to a report published last year by the Office of National Statistics, the number of people aged 90 or more at the time of their death has tripled in the past three decades in the UK.
“Despite the dramatic rise in the number of people living into very old age, there is far too little discussion about what the ‘oldest old’ feel about the end of their lives,” says Dr Jane Fleming from the Department of Public Health and Primary Care at the University of Cambridge, who led the study. “We know very little, too, about the difficult decisions concerning their end of life care.”
In a study part-funded by the National Institute for Health Research, researchers interviewed 33 people over 95 years old from the Cambridge City over-75s Cohort and for 30 of these and for 9 people too frail to be interviewed in person, a ‘proxy’ – a relative or member of care-home staff, for example – about attitudes towards death, dying and end-of-life care. The responses are at times poignant and occasionally humorous, but provide a fascinating perspective on the views of an often overlooked minority.
The age of the older people was so great that most of their contemporaries had died, so death was a regular feature of life and many spoke of living on borrowed time. “As people get older, as their friends die, there’s an element of ticking them off,” said one proxy.
Many of the older people referred to “taking each day as it comes”, expressing thankfulness for where they were in life and content, at this stage, to take life one day at a time, not worrying too much about tomorrow. There was a sense of life ticking along until something drastic happened. “It is only day-from-day when you get to ninety-seven,” said one.
Although one interviewee described only being “three-quarters of the way” through their life, others knew and accepted that they were going to die soon. One son-in-law describes his elderly mother-in-law giving a long-life light bulb to her granddaughter, saying: “Something for you, it’s not worth me having”. Most of the interviewees felt ready to die. “I’m ready to go,” said one woman. “I just say I’m the lady-in-waiting, waiting to go.” Some felt they were a nuisance to others, while others were more desperate in their desire to reach the end, suggesting they had simply lived too long. “Please don’t let me live ’til I’m a hundred,” one woman said to her proxy.
Several proxies discussed conversations that they had had about euthanasia. A son described a vivid memory of accompanying his mother to visit one of her friends who had dementia: “She said ‘Gordon, if I ever get like that, for goodness sake put a…’, it was her words, not mine, ‘put a pillow over my head, will you?’”